Thursday, May 15, 2014

Rae's Mid-College Crisis

This post comes to you as a reader and writer, yes, but also very much from the college student in me, and I figure it works well in-tandem with yesterday's short post on fears.

Last week, I finished my fourth semester in college. My prospective graduation date is December 2015, which means that I only have three more semesters to go. And yes, only three more. And as it sneaks up on me I'm faced with this daunting question of: what do I do when I'm done?

I'm so terrified because my answer is: I don't know.

I know a lot of people who have internships lined up, jobs that'll get them where they want to go. Their career paths come filled with a path that they can follow, a series of stepping stones that are somewhat easy to see and find. While I know that they have a lot of work to do to get there, and they stress, and they have the same fears I have, there's somewhat of a distance between me and them because they have opportunities.

Don't get me wrong: I'm not saying that I don't have opportunities. I have a million of them. Lately, though, I've been forced to sift through them critically and ask myself: is this right for me? I mean, sure it would look awesome on resumes and be impressive to bring out in conversation. But then there's that whole deep-down knowledge that somebody who really wants it-like, they eat, sleep, and dream it-deserve it so much more. Because the last thing I want is to get something and have to pretend happiness over it.

So then what?

Like I said, I have opportunities. I actually have a number of internships I plan on applying for come next year. It's all there, just waiting for me to catch up. And then, of course, there's the biggest fear of all for me: that daunting doubt of, "What if I don't make it?"

I'm not alone. I'm no stranger to my friends and acquaintances telling me the same thing: that they;re just as lost as I am. And I think that it's pretty sad that we have all of these soon-to-be-graduates who feel like they have little or no guidance. It's like we're being shoved out into the storm without an umbrella. And yet, would you lie to know what I say to that?

Dance in the rain. Life's hard. And no matter how many times I think to myself: "What am I doing? What if I don't make it?" there is a specific frame of mind that I have to force myself to be in. I can't afford to think that nothing's ever going to happen, to keep a negative point of view on my own future.

So you've read this post this far and I've told you my own greatest fear: failure. And the only thing I can do about it is refuse to believe that it's ever going to happen. It's terrifying, like you're in an unfamiliar place and groping around in the dark for something.

I just want ya'll to know: you're not alone. Keep your head up, and I'll do the same.


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